There are several schools of thought on getting a kid to stop swearing. Some are downright hostile, like soap or hot sauce in the mouth. Some are illogical, like making the child write “I will not say swearword.” 500 times, which just increases the child's ability to properly spell the offending word. Some are a bit more cunning. My sister in law made a deal with my nephew that he was allowed to say any curse word he could think of, but only at grandma's house. My mother has a mouth like a longshoreman and we've all given up expecting her to hold her tongue, even around the kids. My nephew was happy that he could say the words somewhere and didn't seem to realize that grandma was 2000 miles away and he only got to go to her house about twice a year! By the time he actually got to grandma's house, he'd forgotten all about the words!

My system goes straight to the root of the issue. Kids swear because the shock value is a great pay off! They don't know what it means and they are too young to have the bad habit of an expletive. Kids learn bad words the same way they learn good ones, from us and other people around them! What makes them repeat the words is the simple pleasure of watching mom's face change to shock and horror! They will happily trade their new word for an alternate one, so long as it makes mom and grandma make those faces again!

Pick a day to start the transformation. Pick a word that you will be ok with your child using as his expletive. Make it something you can tolerate hearing and responding to for the next week or so because you will be hearing it a lot! For the purpose of this explanation, the word is Fiddlesticks.

Now, on to the change! Sit down at the table for breakfast and very visibly and obviously drop your spoon. Say “FIDDLESTICKS!” Then, look around in mock horror, clap both your hands over your mouth and keep your eyes wide and surprised. How naughty you've been!! Look at your little potty mouthed child, move your hands a bit and say “oops! I wasn't supposed to say that! You didn't hear that did you? I hope not because no one is supposed to fiddlesticks!” Then, of course, realize that you said it again and clap your hands over your mouth again and play through the overacted emotions of your horror at having said such a word! At this moment, your child will pick up his spoon and drop it and blurt out “FIDDLESTICKS!” When he does, you should scream (and laugh) and cover your ears and look mockingly shocked. Say “Oh no! No one is supposed to say Fiddlesticks!” and then, as before, scream and clap your hands over your mouth and play out your mock shock and horror. At this point you should both be laughing. Explain that fiddlesticks is not a word that anyone is supposed to say and when it IS said, people will be shocked.

As the day goes by, find occasions to repeat the lesson. Drop more stuff, trip over the door jamb, bump into the wall, and blurt out loud and furiously “FIDDLESTICKS!!” and then spend twice as much time acting shocked and guilty. Make sure Mr. Potty mouth sees it and is in convulsions of laughter at your predicament. When he says it, oh and he will, throw yourself into the role of the horrified parent. Wail about how you never thought your child would say that word, wonder aloud if you will now have to move to Siberia so the neighbors don't hear it, sob that grandma might hear it and faint from the shock. You get the idea.

When the other word or words come up, and they will, don't react at all. Go along as if you hadn't heard them and find an excuse to blurt out fiddlesticks again. After a whole day of screaming and wailing and clapping your hands over your mouth, your child will be certain that fiddlesticks is a much more interesting word than those other ones! Be sure to have some trusted neighbors, grandma and daddy in on the game so they can act appropriately when he says it to them (oh and he will!) The more overacting the better, let them see you do it first so they know just how much camp is necessary and so they aren't embarrassed to do it. If there is an award for overacting, compete for it!

Over the next few days, slowly turn down the camp so that you are eventually just raising an eyebrow at him when he says it or looking around guiltily as if to make sure no one heard you when you say it. Continue to ignore other curse words that he tries out and in the case that he finds one that he seems to like, go back to the overly campy overacted mock horror of fiddlesticks until he has forgotten. After a few days, ramp it back down. The important part is to always have a silly, shocked reaction to the word, and make it more of a reaction than you give other curse words.

Eventually, the whole thing becomes something of an inside joke. The best part though is that the next time you are at the grocery store and he belts out “Fiddlesticks!!” you can just smile at the blue haired lady next to you and keep shopping. Chances are she'll think it's so cute that he has such an adorable curse word that she'll laugh, and just reinforce for him the sheer naughtiness of the word!