Oh, the horrible curse of the first-born grandchild! It really can be problematic when a grandparent showers one kid with more toys than he could possibly play with. It clutters the house; it makes other toys impossible to find or play with; and it makes kids feel entitled to loads and loads if whatever they want, whenever they want it, which sets up unrealistic expectations as they get older. It's a smart mom that limits the toys coming in and keeps the toy box stocked with the handful of toys that their child likes and plays with and culls the rest. Start now and gather up the toys from the past year that aren't being played with, or that have lost their shine. If you're planning more kids, box up your favorites that you'd like to keep for future siblings and put them away somewhere out of kid-reach. The rest should go to charity. If you need to, use small grocery bags so you can honestly say you sent away MANY bags. Once that's done it's time to talk to the grandmas.

If you can't talk to the grandmas or they refuse to listen to you, you can write them a letter. It should go something like this- "Dear Grandma,

With the holidays coming up I thought I would take a few minutes to catch you up on Junior's latest likes and dislikes and our new plan for the holidays so you can shop accordingly. I know how much you enjoy shopping for him for Christmas.

Junior's room and closet has been pretty cluttered this year and I recently boxed up and donated several bags for charity. He had so much that he couldn't even play with the stuff he liked the best because he couldn't get to it! Knowing Christmas was coming, I donated a little more than I might have so that we have some room to grow. We have room for about 3 more toys, or 2 toys and an outfit, from each family to stay under the clutter limit. It's very important to me that we stay under this limit because if I have to donate any more toys from his room, I'll be taking away toys he's currently playing with and enjoying. On the advice of a friend, and to limit the confusion to Junior, we are only going to let him open 3 gifts from each family. If there are more than 3 we will put the others away, unopened, to donate after the holidays. I know how important it is to you that you spoil him a little bit so I thought I'd take this time to tell you what he really likes to that you can focus your shopping on those items. That way you can get the biggest smiles with just a few gifts. He really likes his wooden train set so a few train cars or pieces of track would be great. He also has a baby leap pad and could use a new insert for that. We are going to get him an interacTv game and any of the expansions for that would be enjoyed as well. Thanks so much in helping us make this and stress free holiday!"

Obviously, pick you own number for however many gifts you want as the limit. It may be more or less depending on your house and your family! This way you have said pretty plainly that they are welcome to bring 100 gifts, but only 3 will be opened and the rest will be given away. If they believe your threat, they won't waste their money on gifts he won't be able to keep or even see. On the odd chance they try to scam you and give him 3 boxes full of 14 other toys, or arrive at your house with big bags of wrapped gifts claiming they forgot or couldn't help themselves, be firm and have them pull out the 3 they want your son to keep and then put the rest away immediately, or ask them to put them back in their car. One year of turning away $200 of toys and they won't do it again!

There is also the chance that the worst offender will argue back and try to get an exemption. In that case, LIE. Tell them how sorry you are that they had to get caught up in the new rule but that there are "some people" in your family that refused to limit their gift giving this year which made you have to draw the line in a pretty extreme way in order to keep things under control. Ask for their help in being a good example so those "other people" will see that it's not hard and that your son actually has a better time with fewer gifts than a car full! Remind her that when he's not overwhelmed, he's actually happier and she'll be doing him a service by only bringing 3 gifts! Play on every grandmother's secret need to be the "favorite" grandma. At the same time though, point out that you'll have to enforce the rule with everyone so that you can also enforce it with those "other people" but that you'd hate to have to do that since they always pick out such nice things. Of course, tell your mom that its your mother in law that can't keep her visa in her pocket and that you had to be firm with your own mom so as to make it 'fair' to your MIL. Warn your mom that you may have to shift the blame a little bit to avoid offending you MIL. If your mom understands the problem, she'll want to help and won't mind. When your MIL calls, don't name any names, but imply that it's your mother that has the spending problem! Grandmas have a deep-seated secret agenda to show up the other grandma whenever possible, usually by buying more, and more expensive toys, so playing them against each other to be the one with the least toys is bound to get results!

One other thing you may want to do is tell your mom one set of things your son likes, and then tell your MIL a different list so there won't be any repeats and give them each a general category like wooden trains or matchbox cars or Lego. That will give them the chance to buy something they like for him, but still keep within a narrow margin of what he really does play with.

As to your last question, why are the holiday's so stressful. I think it's because we try to do too much and try to capture that picture perfect stereotype of the holiday that is just impossible. We want the big dinner with all the trimmings and the perfect tree loaded with gifts and to sit around the fireplace singing carols and oozing warmth and good will toward men. In reality that dinner takes a week to cook and while your busy shopping and cooking the ornaments have been knocked off the tree by the cat and there's an odd stinky wetness around the tree skirt because you forgot your dog doesn't know the difference between outside tree and Christmas tree. The gifts are piled up away from the tree and the toddler that eats wrapping paper and you spend whatever moments you have away from the turkey pulling pine needles out of the baby's mouth. The kids and the dog are all freaked out and acting like zoo creatures because the furniture's all moved around and there is a huge blinking tree in the house and mom's spending all day telling them "NO!" By the time you sit by the fireplace your good will toward men has been replaced by a dark dislike of pushy people who take the last frozen pie crust at the market and stores that don't stock this years big favorite toy in quantities large enough that there aren't fistfights in the toy aisle. You realize that the warm fire is only making you sweat and increasing your less than pleasant aroma you acquired hovering over the stove without enough time to grab a shower for the past week. You can't sing any carols because you've lost your voice from screaming "NO!" at the dog and curious kids. On Christmas Eve your son announces that he no longer likes the entire genre of toys on which you spent $200 and 9 hours wrapping and you find out that your husband didn't really want to "do the big family dinner thing" this year but failed to tell you until the night before. By the time Christmas morning rolls around, you, and just about every other adult in the world, is tired, cranky, stressed and would rather just be alone. This of course, includes all of your guests who wanted to have the perfect little family holiday as well, but arrived tired, grouchy, and mad that Aunt Petunia didn't show the proper amount of gratitude for the fruitcake they brought her last night. We put all these people in a room together, stir in a little eggnog and brandied carrots and we are shocked when tempers flare and stress levels rise! We know that statistically, the suicide rate goes up over the holidays from all of the people depressed that their holidays weren't as wonderful as they imagined but with the honest reality of the holidays, it's a surprise that the murder rate isn't doubled as well! If you really want a stress free holiday, then rein it WAY back. Have a simple dinner with your immediate family, or make the traditional big dinner a potluck. Instead of driving all around on Christmas day or having everyone descend on your house, plan to visit with extended family a few days before or after. The baby is the perfect excuse to keep it simple and low key. Babies don't travel well and they get overwhelmed very easily and any relative with a conscience won't argue if you say you need to change your usual plans so that the holiday is a fun and magical one for your child. No one wants to ruin Christmas for a baby!